what's wrriten in my diary.

1WEEK BEFORE

i asked you to leave me. we had a fight and we broke up.
you're mad at me and i'm went to my friend, sitting down, crying. they asked me to stop, be patient. 'everything is gonna be okay. '
i' m okay in the next 10 minutes. you're leaving and i feel depressed.
i started to missing you ,
but realising that you and me have nothing to do anymore
makes me regret.
i regret for letting you go.
i have a doubt on you, thats why.
its not that i don't love you anymore. its just way too clear that you're not taking
our relationship seriously.
i'm just scared to love you.
i'm scared to get hurt.
i know ,
loving means pain.
i've made a mistake. i hope you're ready to forgive me.
i apologise for my stupid attitude.
i take back my words.
you barely show you care about me.
you said you love me , but i didn't feel any.
i thought you didn't love me.
but , at the day i asked you to leave,
you're  doing good. you showed me you love me.
you're telling me the truth , you're speaking correctly and
it makes me wanna take back my words at the first place.
the reason i'm leaving is ,
to see how you're gonna live without me. Without me ,
by your side.
you used to be my superman.
the one.
you're the first thing i see in my mind in the morning.
you're the reason for this scar in my heart.
i'm trying to get along with you.
you're asking me to come back.
you're waiting for my answer ,
 
" .   .   .   .   .   . "

give me some time to think. i'm afraid that you're gonna hurt me , again.
i'm sorry to keep you waiting.
i'm sorry.
i'm just confuse, confuse with my feelings.
a part of me tells me to go.
another part asked to stay.
i love you.
and i hope you love me too.
you're one of best part in my life.
i thought we're gonna work out,
together for a long, long time.
but things go round baaaackwards.
everything's changing.
wait for my answer,
if i said yes,
thankyou god.
if i answered no,
i apologise in advance.

i miss the way you smile while looking at me
i miss the way you laugh when you're listening to my joke.
i miss the way you mad at me.
i miss the way you hold my hand when you're telling me
your sweet talks
i miss the way you take your cigarretes out of your pocket
and hid it behind your back
i miss the way you lied  when i'm asking about the truth
i miss the look you made when you're mad about something
i miss the way you pinch my cheeks
i miss the way you pulled my hand when i'm leaving
i miss your voice
i miss seeing you

we're over, are we ?
am i too late ?
crying won't change anything
i understand.
i don't want you to see how desperate i am
i'm desperate to see you
i'm desperate to make you mine ,
again.
what i've learned from you is pain, pain baaaby pain.
you broke my heart
then i broke us.
everything reminds me of you.
my bag. your watch. your ring,
movie tickets, cupcakes , cookies, numbers.
clouds, rain, world.
i still remember the last words you've said.
i never stop thinking of you,
but i'm feeling pain,
in every breathe i take.
i want to come back ,
but i'm not sure.

god, give me a sign.
if he's the one, tell me
before its too late.
 
);